Cultural Identity Crises

Those of us who grow up outside of our homeland may be required to navigate a sense of identity in a way you otherwise might not have to. When I was in my early 20s I went through this exact identity crisis. Born in Puerto Rico and growing up in the diaspora, there was always some element of “where do I fit in”. But in my 20s, this felt critical to understanding who I was and what I should be doing. I started exploring different ways to find my “Puerto Ricaness”. One disconnect was not having the references of growing up in PR and the other disconnect was my Spanish/Spanglish abilities.

Cultural Entry Points

One entry point, I identified, to understanding where I came from and how to connect to my language and culture was music. My father was (as long as I can remember) a Plenero (musician of Plena-traditional music from Puerto Rico). He was such a dedicated practitioner that he would often take trips with my mom to New York to visit Los Pleneros de la 21, musicians and teachers that had created a space to play and teach the musical practices of Bomba and Plena (both traditional styles of Puerto Rican music).

In this search for connection and culture, as I started to become interested in these musical styles, I remember both of my parents speaking about the amazing work that these artists and teachers were doing in preserving the culture in the diaspora. I especially remember seeing a brilliant young woman about my age completely connected to her culture and language giving dance workshops in Spanish and English. As she danced she looked so connected to our culture and when she was hanging out after class had all the swagger of a born and raised New Yorker. Seeing an example of someone so rooted in the diverse worlds I felt were a contradiction gave me hope.

From there, I dove into learning as much as I could about Plena and Bomba. Now, part of what made me excited about this access point is, until then I felt that I had missed the boat on connecting with other people from my culture. Until this point I didn’t have the background of connecting based on “where I grew up” or “knowing X person from X town”. Most of my references were from the U.S. places I lived in. But now, I had a connection point! When I visited the island I had locations I could seek out and feel comfortable in because I could play or dance and I didn’t feel judged by my linguistic ability. This ability to explore my culture through artistic expression and receive acknowledgment from others helped me find my place within my community.

Building Culture. Building Language.

Once I felt that I had created a space for myself, I was finally able to take risks to practice the language more; singing on stage and even, presenting in front of audiences on and off the island. Since then, I have been blessed with the opportunity to move back to Puerto Rico and make connections with my community on the island (in the world of music as well as outside). This was a dream of mine that I had been timid about because I was worried that I would be judged for my background and language ability.

I am so grateful for the opportunity to learn, connect, and most importantly pass on what I learned about our music and culture. It is very important to me that I not only learn that I belong within my community but also that I share what I learned; especially with kids and teens of the diaspora, to help them understand that even if you don’t have the opportunity to grow up in your homeland you can always connect to it.

(Photo 📷 Credit: Suly Ruiz)

Key Takeaways:

1. Find your access point. Music, art, sciences, whatever your interest is, find that community within your culture and connect.
2. You must feel safe to take risks. I used my entry point to access the confidence I needed to take risks with the language.
3. Do it your way. I work to increase my fluency in Spanish every day and make space for Spanglish when possible because it is my most fluent language.
4. Pay it forward. I work to connect with kids in the diaspora to model that you don’t have to grow up in your homeland to connect to it.

Let’s start looking at everyday experiences through the lens of language.

Dr. Xiomara Rivera Pagán