Who We Are vs. How We Sound

I shared a video a few months ago with wil.i.am discussing his experience growing up in a primarily Mexican neighborhood. Since his exposure was to a community that spoke English with a Chicano accent, that is how he spoke. So when he moved, he was surprised that people were surprised by his way of speaking. That is because people have expectations for how we should talk before we even open our mouths. Depending on where you are, what you look like, how you dress, etc, people will begin to predict how you will sound. The language expectations people place on us, and we put on others, can be especially challenging when they interfere with insecurities we already have about our identity. For example, when people assume we should speak Spanish, and we don’t perform to their standards. 

When You Ass.u.me 

The languages we speak and how we speak them are infinitely variable. Therefore, it seems like a losing mission to make those assumptions, and yet we do. Why? Because we are constantly looking for information to 1) find connections and 2) keep us safe. So how do we productively deal with language expectations placed on us and expectations that we have of others? 

Language Expectations Placed on You

When I was in 6th grade, I had just moved to a new school with very little racial and cultural diversity. When we did a role call in my English class (my least favorite school task) the teacher attempted my name, and I helped her out, “Xiomara, but you can call me Xixi.” The teacher then, in front of everyone, said, “Do you speak English?” Which was a weird question since I had just demonstrated that I had. Clearly, she did not have much experience with Latino students. 

Conversely, one of the biggest triggers for me is when I am speaking in Spanish to someone and they (despite knowing Spanish) respond to me in English. When I was first visiting Puerto Rico as an adult, this was my biggest fear. I would immediately jump from insecurity to insecurity: 1) they know I didn’t grow up here, 2) they think I don’t belong here, 3) my Spanish isn’t good enough to be considered Puerto Rican (enough).

In the grand scheme of things, there are worse fears to confront. However, in the existential crisis of a Puerto Rican in the diaspora (or person living outside of their home language/culture), this disconnect between who you believe you are and how people see you can be very unsettling. Understand that people’s assumptions are based on their awareness and experiences. They may have limited experiences with different languages. If that is the case, an attempt to connect may come off as insulting. As was the case with my 6th-grade English teacher.

Not all Spanish speakers are from Spain or Mexico. Not all Latinos speak Spanish first and/or at advanced levels. In those moments, you get to choose. You can share your experiences and background to educate. Or, you can choose not to engage. You don’t have to be the cultural ambassador for all things from your culture. And yet, who better to speak to the complexity of language and identity than you? 

Placing Language Expectations on Others 

We do not know all the languages and ways that language diversity can present itself. So even if you are someone who is informed about language, culture, and identity, at some point you are going to get it wrong. (Which is why it is important to show grace when people get it wrong with us.) Additionally, we all have some judgments around language based on media, generational, or cultural biases, etc. Therefore, we need to be humble in our approach to connection, as we would want others to be with us. 

Three questions I recommend to engage in conversation around language:

How do you identify (culturally, linguistically, etc.)?

What languages did you speak/practice?

How did you learn those languages?

Conclusion

People often limit the conversation of languages to “What languages are you fluent in?”. But “how” and “why” we use specific languages is incredibly key to how we see ourselves. I encourage you to engage in more complex and interesting conversations around languages. Sharing your language journey and asking about others.